You know when you have those moments where you stand and stop for a second, take a deep breath and just realise how a split second can be the end of your life. Sometimes it happens when you hear a story about a terrible car accident, or sometimes when that phone call comes and you hear your aunt, grandparent, friend or whomever has died...
I have had that moment many times...in fact i had it 2weeks ago and it has been lingering in my mind. However, this time it was a bit different, it came in a different form...it came in the consult room at the veterinary Hospital when i had to take little Lady to be put down. I can honestly say i felt like a murderer. Here i was, pinning down my own dog allowing the vet to inject her with a overdose of anesthetic...it was so quick...so quiet.
It was a weird feeling, because on the one hand this poor little doggy was suffering so badly that it seemed like the right thing to do...on the other hand i feel like i could have possibly tried harder. I mean we don't just help people die when life gets a bit bad, we absolutely try everything before accepting there's nothing that will help, and even then we don't help them die (altough that does happen unsaid) we wait for them to die by themselves.
There's just something not right about it...it's in a small way like playing God. Why do i get to decide it's time for this creature to die...no, that type of power is overwheling. I wonder what people think who are destined for hell (or heaven for that matter) after their family decided to pull the plug...i mean imagine!
Experiences like these...It just makes me think or rather try to imagine how amazing God is, how incredibly graceful he must be....how heartbroken maybe he sometimes must feel. I wonder if God ever experiences feeling powerless?? Odd thought seeing that he is all powerful!
I so often feel powerless. There's so many things that i wish i could change. So many times that i wish i could grab in and take the heartache, tears and hurt away. I have to keep reminding myself that God is in the driver's seat, that He sees the way and that He has my best interest at heart, that He loves me and that He gives me the power not necessarily to change things, but to keep at it and emerge a better person from every challenge that comes my way!
I have had that moment many times...in fact i had it 2weeks ago and it has been lingering in my mind. However, this time it was a bit different, it came in a different form...it came in the consult room at the veterinary Hospital when i had to take little Lady to be put down. I can honestly say i felt like a murderer. Here i was, pinning down my own dog allowing the vet to inject her with a overdose of anesthetic...it was so quick...so quiet.
It was a weird feeling, because on the one hand this poor little doggy was suffering so badly that it seemed like the right thing to do...on the other hand i feel like i could have possibly tried harder. I mean we don't just help people die when life gets a bit bad, we absolutely try everything before accepting there's nothing that will help, and even then we don't help them die (altough that does happen unsaid) we wait for them to die by themselves.
There's just something not right about it...it's in a small way like playing God. Why do i get to decide it's time for this creature to die...no, that type of power is overwheling. I wonder what people think who are destined for hell (or heaven for that matter) after their family decided to pull the plug...i mean imagine!
Experiences like these...It just makes me think or rather try to imagine how amazing God is, how incredibly graceful he must be....how heartbroken maybe he sometimes must feel. I wonder if God ever experiences feeling powerless?? Odd thought seeing that he is all powerful!
I so often feel powerless. There's so many things that i wish i could change. So many times that i wish i could grab in and take the heartache, tears and hurt away. I have to keep reminding myself that God is in the driver's seat, that He sees the way and that He has my best interest at heart, that He loves me and that He gives me the power not necessarily to change things, but to keep at it and emerge a better person from every challenge that comes my way!
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