I sometime have these moments when I feel like shoving my face in my pillow and just screaming my lungs out. I'd much prefer standing on the top of a mountain screaming, however that isn't always quite possible when living in the suburbs. Or sometimes you just wish you could sway a magic wand or read someone's mind. I feel like that with my dad...ek wens ek kan net verstaan wat in sy kop aangaan. Hoe hy voel en wat hy dink! I walk in to the room and what else would be on TV than and 18 movie on eTV. It disturbs me that he would even want to see something like that. Ek verstaan dit eenvoudig net nie. Een, dit is 'n klomp gemors en twee dit is beslis nie van God af nie. Pornography...where's do people's fascination with it lie. It hurts me to the deepest of my being...and the toughest thing is i walk in to the room and he doesn't utter a word. I mean does he think I am blind or is it that the whole world has turned invisible to him. He has become so self absorbed and self centred...and i truly wish i could blame it on damaged to the frontal lobe.
Sometimes I wish our family was more open on the level of our faith. Ek weet my ma is God se dogter en ek weet my pa is God se seun al gaan hy deur baie issues. I was raised in a way that has made me a God-loving person...but sometimes I just wish there was that deeper level of connectedness between all of us. I stand in awe of families like the Campbell's and the Batchelder's and to be honest I can't help but be filled with a small amount of jealousy. I get so overwhelmed by being in a setting with families like them...it is something so amazing and so special. And it always amazes me how they just make you feel at home as if you have been part of the family for years. I can't leave something like that without feeling re-energized and blessed and just connected even more to God. It's like He provides me with that experience even though it might not be in my own family. I pray that I will be able to raise my children in a way that they will know God is always first and that He will always be sitting there with us, talking with us and be part of our daily lives as has been shown my by my friends families.
Ek het vir lank gedink dis 'n kultuur ding en dat die afrikaanse families net nie so oop is in ons huise nie...maar iets anders het by my opgekom. There's a dynamic that comes into a family when the whole family are God-loving people, it brings an ability to share on a deeper level. It's something that i miss in my own home and that i wish I had. Like even though i know my brother respects me, i think he sometimes laughs in his heart when i get a bit too spiritual. One is only able to go so far. It's tough. I could potentially go to my dad and be like ' what are you doing, it's not right'...but there's such a fine line with him being depressed. I truly pray that my dad will be able to sort out his heart. Lord guide me in your will if i have to be part of that. Show me, because I am clue less.
I often feel so deurmekaar...so without a clue of what to do. When to push and when not to.
Here ek wil bid dat u my geduld sal gee met my pa, Here dat u in sy hart sal werk. Vader help my om sterk te staan in u sodat hy ook kan sterk staan in u. Dankie vir die krag wat u my gee om met my situasies te deal. Dankie dat u my nooit verlaat nie maar dat u altyd voorsien. Seën my vriende se families sodat hulle fokus altyd op u sal bly en dat hulle meer en meer mense sal aan raak soos wat hulle my aanraak.
Sometimes I wish our family was more open on the level of our faith. Ek weet my ma is God se dogter en ek weet my pa is God se seun al gaan hy deur baie issues. I was raised in a way that has made me a God-loving person...but sometimes I just wish there was that deeper level of connectedness between all of us. I stand in awe of families like the Campbell's and the Batchelder's and to be honest I can't help but be filled with a small amount of jealousy. I get so overwhelmed by being in a setting with families like them...it is something so amazing and so special. And it always amazes me how they just make you feel at home as if you have been part of the family for years. I can't leave something like that without feeling re-energized and blessed and just connected even more to God. It's like He provides me with that experience even though it might not be in my own family. I pray that I will be able to raise my children in a way that they will know God is always first and that He will always be sitting there with us, talking with us and be part of our daily lives as has been shown my by my friends families.
Ek het vir lank gedink dis 'n kultuur ding en dat die afrikaanse families net nie so oop is in ons huise nie...maar iets anders het by my opgekom. There's a dynamic that comes into a family when the whole family are God-loving people, it brings an ability to share on a deeper level. It's something that i miss in my own home and that i wish I had. Like even though i know my brother respects me, i think he sometimes laughs in his heart when i get a bit too spiritual. One is only able to go so far. It's tough. I could potentially go to my dad and be like ' what are you doing, it's not right'...but there's such a fine line with him being depressed. I truly pray that my dad will be able to sort out his heart. Lord guide me in your will if i have to be part of that. Show me, because I am clue less.
I often feel so deurmekaar...so without a clue of what to do. When to push and when not to.
Here ek wil bid dat u my geduld sal gee met my pa, Here dat u in sy hart sal werk. Vader help my om sterk te staan in u sodat hy ook kan sterk staan in u. Dankie vir die krag wat u my gee om met my situasies te deal. Dankie dat u my nooit verlaat nie maar dat u altyd voorsien. Seën my vriende se families sodat hulle fokus altyd op u sal bly en dat hulle meer en meer mense sal aan raak soos wat hulle my aanraak.
No comments:
Post a Comment