Honger

Here, ek begeer meer van U. Soveel meer Dad! Gees kom ontmoet my, ek smag na tale ek smag na fisiese ervaringe van u. Maar Vader u ken my hart, u weet dat ek wil nie hê dit moet van myself af kom nie. Ek wil dit nie 'opmaak' nie vader...ek wil sonder twyfel weet dat dit u is en u gees. Vader, skenk aan my my hartsbegeertes. Gees kom werk in my.

Meer van u Here, meer van u en minder van my!!! Alles van u Vader en niks van my. Ek wil 100% oorgee aan u Dad. Niks minder as dit nie.

It's been a while...

Well, more than a year has passed since i last dared to write...shocking really...but hey, that's fine too.

Right now i'm sitting here, reading all my old posts and absolutely bubbling over from the joy in my heart because God is so faithful. He has heard and answered my every cry. I asked for joy in 2008 and boy what a year it was. Filled with so much joy and fun and good times that made for good memories. I asked for more of Him and he provided...not to mention what has been happening in 2009! Dad you are so amazing, i love you Jesus. Help me to believe that you love me more and more.

2008 ofcourse had its challenges...but overall it was a peaceful year. It was filled with excitement of where to in 2009 - but i already knew God had only one place in mind for me...so the elimination process wasn't that big a concern for me. I had no attachment...so it helped that i could say wherever really works for my. But again God was amazing and sent me where He told me from the beginning...Shongwe, Mpumalanga.

Which brings me to 2009. I could tell you all about 2008 but let me tell you it is not a match against the four months that i have spent in 2009. Yes, ofcourse i miss the familiarities of my CT life, my awesome friends, my family, my moms cooking etc - but i am happy to report that life outside of the comfort zone of CT has served me well and i couldn't be happier with my placement. Shongwe is in the bush...thank you dad for the beauty of this place. In some ways i feel like i am in paradise. I mean yes there are many challenges in the bush, the hospital is in a shocking state really and one has to guard your mind from getting discouraged. But the area is incredible and God has surrounded me with the most incredible people that make all of this SO worth while. SO much so that i could see myself staying on next year perhaps. Who knows.

And more than anything, God has revealed himself to me in this year like nothing i have experienced before. His love, his grace, his power. I have seen miracles...people hearing, lame walking, pain disapearing and i have seen Gods power work through me. Praise you God for using me. How unworthy i am and yet you love me and use me. Dad i cant even begin to thank you for your faithfulness. You have catered for my every need this year, for my every prayer and every desire. Thank you spirit for filling me, revealing your entity to me and for comforting me when i need comfort. Thank you God for your protection over my life. Jesus thank you for your blood, for what you did for ME, for accepting me into the family of heaven and for using your power through me. Fathher i pray for more. More of you. I am hungry for you Jesus. Use me. Mould me. Make me new. I want to be like you Jesus. I die to you, come live through me!

It is virtually impossible for me to write down what is on my heart, to find the words for the awesomeness.

Thank you dad for giving me the stregth to deflect the arrows from the enemy. Jesus this week was tough, it was hard to me so dehumanised by that doctor. To be touched in such a rude manner. But Jesus thank you for the grace you pour out on me, for the strenght you gave me to deal with the situation and for the comfort you sent me through Carol. Bless her father, abundantly.

Jesus i think you are awesome and i am realising it more and more as this year goes on. I love you God.

Excitement

Wow, Christmas 2007 has come and gone and we are standing on the welcome mat of 2008...and some how i have this strange excitement in me about it all! I feel ready! I'm sure that this has something to do with the fact that last year this time was covered under the blanket of sadness and uncertainty... Lord I am so thankful that you spared my dad another year and that he got to see another Christmas -i'm am excited that he might still make it to my wedding :-) I still pray for more miracles in our lives Father, but i know you've got it all under control! Thank you!

I just feel that 2008 is gonna be filled with fun, that we are going to be laughing and laughing - that there are gonna be surprises and blessings and just plain old enjoyment of life! I am excited. Lord and i pray that your hand and guidance will be so visible in our lives, may we only increasingly be busy with You and Your work in Your kingdom!

*D

Encouragement @ HG

This was a first for me...someone just feeling God lay a verse on their hearts for me and someone else seeing a picture and just being so spot on with the verse.

Roger felt Psalm 26 at HG for me tonight, it made me so excited. He felt that Gad is gonna start speaking to me in a clear and strong voice, that His strength and wisdom is going to come over me.

Lord thank you for knowing my hearts desires and just for giving confirmation that you do listen even though i don't always hear your voice.

Anneli had a picture of big, dark, thunderous clouds all over. But then they pulled a way and i emerged from it with the light shinning brightly.

Lord i pray Father that this indicates a season of refreshing spring and summer. Father i am thankful that you have been pruning me and moulding me Lord but i am greatful that you are aware of me feeling that i need a break. I pray that next year will be somewhat like i predicted, just more chilled emotionally, full of getting involved in church and lots and lots of Fun with all my friends, new and old.

Thank you father for always providing, even when we least expect it. Thank you for exposing me to the workings of your spirit and Lord thank you for aswering prayers ALL the time. Father i love you, i truly do!

Anniversary

A year has gone...literally like the click of a finger! I find myself missing gaps...parts of this year seem to be so blurry in my mind. The first 6 months truly was like being in a bubble, complete survival mode and just doing what you need to do in order to survive - kinda felt like what they call an outer body experience. I can't believe that a year ago my life life got turned upside down, a year ago everything came to a standstill, a year a go i found myself in the biggest cul de sac ever. I felt claustrophobic and scared. But like i sasid, survival mode kicks in and some how one has the ability to keep breathing and move forward - even though it might only be in small, uncoordinated steps. You live by the second, you reflect on your faith - you wonder whether God is really all powerful, whether He really can get you out of this, you try and think of what good can possibly come out of a situation like this - you or at least i was filled with doubt and confusion, but miraculously you manage to not allow your doubt to destroy your faith and you still pray that God will take over that He will come and be your strength, that He will comfort you.You manage to, against everything your head is screaming, still believe that God loves you and still keep your faith. I have come to discover that doubt is negative, it makes you stronger, because it sets you on a journey of looking for answers and seeking God more.

This year has been so tough! I had my moments of just wanting to give in. Wanting to give in in so many ways, especially dropping out of varsity because i just didn't have the energy or the confidence that i could make a success of it. I want to say to day, that in the darkest of dark places, GOD IS THERE! He is everything He promised He is. He took over, He gave me the strength He provided me with the tangible support from my friends that i so needed. And He still does. A year later, and my emotions are running wild - i promised myself that i would not become all emotional this time of year, and year i am...not knowing what to do with myself. All those emotions just rise up again and i find myself being irritable and not the most friendliest person. I feel sad that i cant control it. But even now i still find that i am being comforted. God knows that i still need healing and He is healing me, in His awesome and good time. I am so thankful that i have been able to stand strong in my faith and to stand strong in life throughout this year and to not have given up. I actually feel rather proud of myself. But for that i truly can only thank God...for He has been my Father and He has been my lighthouse. He IS what He has promised!!

Day 1

Day 1 has come...it is almost impossible to believe. How all of this started about 10months ago and now it's right here. Today was the first day of moving out of being an orphan and opening myself to become part of the FF family. I can honestly say I was so nervous. It's funny, it's not like I haven't been there before...but moving from being a visitor to having to intergrate into the family...it's absolutely daunting...at least for me.

However God is good. I was feeling so nervous in the morning...for absolutely no reason :-( But the feeling soon disappeared and was overcome by an intense feeling of joy that I am doing the right thing. Marlize's ring reminded me of CC while standing there during worship...It was amazing as I realised we weren't alone or apart, we just weren't in the same place. We were all worshipping at more or less the same time...I stood there imagining how all the churches IN THE WORLD singing together at the same time must sound to God in heaven or while He is standing there in the midst of ALL of us. What a wonderful BEAUTIFUL thought! I realised that my family is increasing and even though I won't see them at CC so often we are all together. I decided that every time I look at the ring I would pray for CC and raise them to God. In that way I am still able to do something for them.

Thank you Lord for all You are, thank you for always providing. Lord You are so amazing!

Weeskind

Wow, ek kan nie glo die tyd het gekom nie. Ek voel senuweeagtig tot diep binne in my maag vir dit wat voorlê. Gisteraand was my laatse community, my offisiële laaste enige iets permanent by CC. En selfs al weet ek dat ek vir altyd deel sal wees van daai familie...kan ek nie help maar om hiedie uiterse gevoel van leegte te ervaar nie. Dis moeilik, want aan die eenkant los jy die familie wie jy jou hele lewe al ken, mense voor wie jy groot geword het, wat al jou goeie en slegte haarstyl dae saam met jou ervaar het...en aan die ander kant lê daar hierdie groot oop stuk van niks, nog geen familie nie, maar ook 'n area met soveel moontlik hede. Ek voel soos 'n weeskind. En dan natuurlik doen jou familie al hiedrie oulike goed om 'baai' te sê...ek was blown away. En vir 'n sekonde wonder mens of dit alles die moeite werd gaan wees...of mens regtig iets so great moet agterlos en die groot sprong in die black hole in moet vat. Ek het vir 'n oomblik daar gesit en dink ek wil nie...maar ek moet, ek moet gehoorsaam wees. Dis tyd om uit die comfort zone te kom en myself te vind en te groei.

Dis scary, ek het nie 'n beter woord daarvoor nie! Ek troos my daarin dat die Here weet wat die plan is! Here help my!